


and i wont be the victim (breathe out and breathe in)

by Nactmerrie



Series: i got your back if you got mine (all that we have is each other) [2]
Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: 2nd person y'all, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Happy Ending, Mute Guardian, Near Death Experiences, hey bungie lets talk about the music mission in d2 cause i have some questions, its me back at it again with the romantic ghost content, lets see how long these two last before theyre kicked out of the city for being gross and in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 15:26:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13883703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nactmerrie/pseuds/Nactmerrie
Summary: Your Ghost is singing, singing, singing and try as you might, you can't match the tune as blood pools in your lungs.Focusing on breathing, you lift your hand.





	and i wont be the victim (breathe out and breathe in)

**Author's Note:**

> Title of the fic is from Innocence by Madeon 
> 
> This was written much slower than the previous fic (which was written in a fit of passion in a single night) so it hopefully has less obvious mistakes.

Your name is Jayashree and you want to tell your Ghost that he’s beautiful.

Except your voice doesn’t work.

You’ve tried learning sign language from Ikora, but those lessons are far and few between with everything else going on in your second life right now.

Or maybe it’s your 50th life with how many times your Ghost has brought you back.

But neither of you seemed to care that much that you couldn’t speak. Ghost spoke enough for the both of you and it made you happy that he could accurately share both yours and his thoughts.

Ghost.

Who recently confessed to you.

Who you confessed back to as best you could without working vocal cords.

Who is currently singing.

Well, not singing technically, but you’re not sure how else to describe it.

It’s the same as those Vex machines from Io and it makes your insides fill with acidic worry. When the two of you investigated that mystery, it had… Done something to your Ghost.

And it was still doing something to your Ghost.

He had started screaming and for a moment it was like he had disappeared. What was it he had said? “Red sand?” You remember him deciphering the code and feeling an uneasiness crawl all over you when he spoke, “Never ask for anything, and especially from those who are stronger than you.”

You’re pulled back into the moment by the gentle sound of a sitar whirling around you.

The music is beautiful like Ghost. But it scares you at the same time.

It scares you because that music is so familiar but remains so foreign to you.

You think the message or whatever the code means is meant for you. For both of you.

You reach out with both of your hands and carefully touch Ghost’s fragile frame. You almost smile at how warm he is, but your concern outranks your ever-growing love for him. You gently rub his small side, trying to coax him awake, and you feel the case of his body flutter. The music vibrates through your skin and through your blood as you touch him.

“Jayashree?”

You smile, glad he had woken up, and gently touching him again.

Ghost seems to smile back, becoming warmer under your touch, and he nuzzles into your hand.

It’s so peaceful when you two are like this, laying on the roof of the barn, where the City couldn’t hide the stars from either of you. Any of your superiors or fellow Guardians would be able to get up there, but somehow the roof had become your place. You were thankful for small blessings like this.

People had noticed the change between you and your Ghost. Ikora had noticed when you asked to learn one specific phrase in sign language and had looked pointedly at your distracted Ghost. Cayde had laughed when he found you two on the roof one night, Ghost seemingly tangled in your hair while you giggled at his attempts to card through the strands like lover’s fingers. Zavala had smiled, almost sadly, at the both of you when he found Ghost worrying over you after a Strike. Hawthorne had seemed confused, muttered something about Guardians, but ultimately left the two of you alone. Devrim had watched over you two, letting you curl around Ghost one night when you were stuck on the EDZ, and didn’t comment but smiled gently.

Many wondered how your ever chipper Ghost could possibly love someone as neurotic as you. You did too, honestly, because your paranoia and hyper focusing often made you seem meaner. It wasn’t that you weren’t interested in other things, you just wanted to get things done a certain way; and if that meant staying on Nessus to finish all business you may have with Failsafe and not do anything else then so be it.

Others wondered how you could be in a relationship with a Ghost and you didn’t have the words (or the voice) to describe it. It was… Like the purest light. Not the Traveler’s light, no something different. Something without expectations, just understanding. You don’t want to describe it to others, it was something you wanted to keep for yourself.

So, you’re thankful most let you be.

You didn’t plan on falling asleep.

When you wake up and its bright and your body aches from the discomfort of sleeping on wood, you squint to see Cayde staring down at you.

You don’t mean to glare at him, you really don’t, but the sun is reflecting off his face and it’s practically blinding you.

“Oh, geez, cranky, just thought I’d come wake you two lovebirds up.”

You can hear the practically crooning tone in his processors and you sigh.

“Woah, no rush. Take as long as you two need,” He calls with a tone you swear you’ve heard someone use before.

He’s smirking, and you hate it.

Sitting up, you can hear your joints cracking and popping back into place, and you groan at the feeling. You had promised Zavala to run a Strike today, but Traveler, you hated doing Strikes. You had too much other shit to deal with.

Ghost flies around your head, “Good morning Jayashree! We should get ready, big day ahead of us!”

You can’t help the almost stupid smile building across your face, when he’s happy it makes your perpetual grumpiness almost disappear. Nodding, you reach out and gently touch Ghost’s shell. You were ready if he was.

Slowly, you stand and, as usual, ungracefully fall to the grass, your Ghost following behind while practically screeching with worry over your ever-embarrassing jumping skills. You make a louder thud than usual, and you can feel it rattle inside of you. Your ankles hurt the moment you made impact and you whine.

You’d laugh if it didn’t make you sore and frankly a bit angry with the Traveler for letting you be resurrected with shit jumping and floating. Weren’t Warlocks supposed to be full of grace and style? Groaning, you push up onto your forearms, puffing your bangs from your face.

“Oh dear! Jayashree, are you okay? We really need to talk to Amanda about getting you some boots that will help with your… Uh, small issue.” He’s trying to sugarcoat it.

 _Little issue_ , you say with only a raised eyebrow, humor tugging at your lips as Ghost flies around you.

He’s cute, you think to yourself as you sit yourself down carefully, too cute.

Your hands gather up all your dark hair and you begin to work knots from the strands before tying it up into a bun. If you were a more practical person you’d just chop off your hair, but you’re too proud of it. Silky despite the harshness of your life, though it did tangle easily during the night.

It’s a lasting bit of beauty from your first life. It’s also the closest thing to a memory you have of who you were before becoming a Guardian. So, part of you can’t get rid of it, not yet.

Ghost is watching you with something you can’t quite interpret, but he seems to wisp around you as you finish tying up your hair. As though he were amazed by such a simple action.

It almost makes you feel amazing or something akin to that.

Standing up in one fluid motion, you gesture for Ghost to rest on your head as you walk towards Zavala.

“We have a strike on Io today, I believe! Which will be… Fun?” Neither of you were exactly thrilled by the literal jumping hell that was Io, but you had to do it. “It’ll be pretty easy, I don’t think Zavala is pushing us nearly as hard as he was in The Last City.”

You cross your arms slightly, nodding carefully with the precious weight resting on the top of your head. There was no time for Zavala to push you as hard, not with Ghaul looming over everyone’s heads.

“Well, whatever the challenge, we can overcome it. Know why Jayashree?”

You shrug, hands up in the air to exaggerate the gesture, knowing it makes you look a fool but you can’t seem to care in the moment.

“Because we make a great team!” He flies off your head to face you, his shell spreading slightly in his happiness.

You can’t help the smile that breaks across your face as you remember the first time he said that to you. Atop the tower for Shiro, Ghost thanking you for being his, telling you that he knew you for far longer than he had Known you, and you remember your heart almost stopping there.

It had been the first time you had felt that flicker of love.

Just a small thing at the time.

About as small as your Ghost.

You’re pretty sure you can hear your fireteam buddy/best friend gagging in the background as Ghost flies around you happily.

Making your way up the stairs, you see Zavala looking out on the farm, and you feel the weight of your mission, of the city, back upon your shoulders. The only respite you had was Ghost and your friend. The peace of the farm was something that only lasted seconds.

“Jayashree, it’s okay. No matter what happens, we’re in this together.”

You smile, stupidly, he knew that you were upset.

Traveler’s ass, you didn’t used to be this sappy, not that you really remember what you used to be like. But you have a feeling it wasn’t a fool in love.

“Ah, Jayashree, it’s good to see you in high spirits. I have a strike for you and some others to do today. It’s on Io, I trust that won’t be an issue.” Zavala’s voice is gentler these days, the loss of the city still fresh wounds on his knuckles.

You don’t want to disappoint Zavala, but you know that Io is a nightmare considering your weak ankles and just poor ability to jump as it is. Still, you nod your head and start mentally preparing for the broken bones that await you.

You weren’t quite ready to almost permanently die again.

Your strike team is down, running towards the point as you take care of the respawning Taken and Vex for them. You had waved for them to stay in position, to not run off needlessly, but what had they done? They had run off instead.

Honestly, you didn’t expect a problem like this.

Of course, it’s the one time you go on a strike without your usual fireteam buddy and you’ve become the last Guardian standing.

“Gaurdi- HNNNNNN!”

Your focus on the enemy disappears just as quickly as your weapons do and you can feel the threat of your light disappearing as well as Ghost’s words begin fragmenting into music. Whipping your head to look at him, you can feel the Taken’s scream in the back of your head as you’re forced to violently open palm slap the monster with your gauntlet.

It disintegrates, thankfully, with the help of Vampire’s Caress. You’re pretty sure you heard your own bones breaking. At least it’s healing you at the same time. Hopefully. It should be. That was the whole reason you had kept the gauntlets in the first place.

From the pain still spreading through your hand, you’re pretty sure it isn’t.

Ghost is spewing out the song, the code, the code, you forgot it was a code or something.

A Taken explodes in front of you and the world seems to blur as your hearing almost give out. Your ears ring to the point that you think that they might be bleeding. You're pretty sure a part of said Taken hit you.

Or is stuck in you, because something is lodged into your side, splitting you open, and you’re pretty sure that you’re slowly and painfully dying.

Breathing really hurts, but you do it anyway, and carefully your press a hand to your side to try and figure out how bad it is.

It’s bad.

Impalement bad.

Yep, that's a piece of Taken sticking out of your side, and you really don't want to know what part it is.

You can barely focus on anything other than the rattling in your ribcage and the incessant ringing in your teeth, but you can see him, floating and singing above you.

Immediately, you let your helmet disappear to try and show him that it’s you.

You only asked Ikora to teach you three things: your name, how to ask someone else’s name, and… Your hands aren’t moving quite right, but you’re getting the point across, which is amazing considering how much pain you’re in. You think that your wrist may in fact be very, very broken, especially with the way it’s bending just a little too much to the right.

Your pinkie, index finger, and thumb stand straight out as your middle finger and ring finger curl toward your palm. Your Karnstein Armlets are distracting, but you keep your hand up as you force it into Ghost’s field of vision.

_I love you. I love you. I love you!_

Your other hand tightens over your very open and active wound, you can feel the blood seeping through your gauntlet as you keep the phrase up.

You want to scream.

_I love you!_

The music is so loud and you’re beginning to feel it moving inside your veins.

You keep waving your hand in front of Ghost.

You start praying to the Traveler.

You know you’re not the Speaker, but the Traveler was supposed to help you or something, so why couldn’t it help now? You keep waving your hand even when the movement gets weaker. You just want the music to stop, why is it so loud, why does your short breath echo the tune? You keep waving your hand even when your wrist goes limp. You just want Ghost to say something, anything, even a simple ‘hello,’ why was he just floating there singing? You keep waving your hand, you keep waving your hand, you keep waving your hand-

You stop waving your hand when it falls to your side and it becomes excruciating to breath.

You stop.

“g-Guardian! Jayashree!”

You stop.

“Oh no.”

You stop.

“This is fine. This is fine. This is fine. You’re fine. You are going to be okay.”

Everything stops.

When you awaken, your body aches like it did when you were first brought back, except this time you’re in a warm bed, Ghost cuddled close against your face, and three worried vanguard leaders above you.

Ikora presses a hand to your forehead, brushing your bangs from your face as she does. “It’s good to see you, Jayashree. We were worried that your Ghost had been too late.” Your mentor smiles, carefully, tightly, worry written in the way her hand continues to touch your forehead. You note that she took her glove off and that her skin is kind against yours.

You want to ask what happened, but you remember very quickly.

The music. The stabbing pain. Ghost.

“Yeah, you took a bit of a beating there, but Ghost… After all the creepy music, snapped you back to life. Cried you back to life with magic Ghost tears.” Cayde tries to end his words all sing-song, but there’s something tight in his processor from the sound of it.

You give him the bird anyway.

“Same old cranky warlock.”

Zavala is silent.

Ikora brushes your hair aside again, “Do you need anything?” 

You smile up at her, telling her no, that you’re fine. You’re more concerned about Ghost right now anyway.

Zavala speaks, “Do you want to know the code Ghost was singing?” As if on cue.

You almost sit up in surprise but don’t thanks to the throbbing pain, you had completely forgotten about that, and nod vigorously with loose strands of hair bouncing around your face.

“You will find no rest for the long years of Eternity. For you killed a bird in love and unsuspecting.” Cayde’s voice is strange as he says it, “Do you know what it could mean?”

You know what it’s from, the _Ramayana_ , old, very old human literature. You don’t know why you know that, but you do, and it’s comforting in a way. You just don’t understand why he’d be spouting that as code.

Ghost flutters awake next to you before you can gesture for pen and paper.

He doesn’t say anything, and it scares you. Usually, Ghost would chipperly fly around you and speak warmly. Instead, he floats upwards slowly, almost carefully, and stays quiet. Even without a face you can tell that your Ghost is undoubtedly sad, downright miserable.

The awkwardness is like being impaled all over again.

The Vanguard leaders shift around, feeling out of place, and fucking Traveler you wish they’d just take a hint and leave.

You move one of your hands carefully, telling him that you love him before gently bringing him closer to you. When he’s close enough you press him your forehead, your eyes closing, and sighing as you feel his warm spread there.

“Guardian, I-I’m so sorry.”

He doesn’t call you by your name.

Shaking your head, you open your eyes, letting him fly around you until he presses against your cheek, nestled in your hair. Your fingertips trace along his scratched-up shell, turning your head to nuzzle against it.

“I don’t know what… I’m sorry.”

You shake your head again, free hand up, telling him that you love him again.

There’s a small and terrible tremble through his shell, “Jayashree…” He sounds like he’s crying.

You turn, despite the ripping pain, and curl around him.

Cayde whistles, “If I had the ability to gag right now, I would be, you two are disgustingly saccharine.”

“Do you even know what that word means?” Zavala’s voice cuts Cayde off, an unimpressed but endearing tone in his throat.

You smile at the bickering.

Nothing’s changed, except everything has, so you gesture for the pen and paper.

Ikora watches you write out the translation request and her expression softens in a way you don’t think you’ve ever seen before. She makes sure Ghost isn’t looking before showing you the movements with her hands. Instead he keeps nuzzling closer to you, as if he wanted to bury himself under your heavy hair.

Humming for him, Ghost flies up, “Jayashree did I hurt-?” You hold a hand to stop him before starting the gesture.

First, carefully you press your hand to you chin flapping it down, “Thanks.” Then pressing your index finger to your brow before moving it to the side, “For.” Your fingers up thumb down against your chin as you move it away from yourself, “Be.” Pinky out and all fingers curled as your wrist goes towards your shoulder and outwards towards him, “Ing.” Then a hand to your chest, “My.” And finally, both of your hands index finger and thumb pressed together, with all other fingers out as you pull one hand away from the other in a wavy motion, “Ghost.”

_Thank you for being my Ghost._

You smile and as you do you feel it stretch your tattoos. Your eyes are kind of wet, but it doesn’t matter as Ghost makes a sound like a sob and presses against your forehead. He’s shaking, and you laugh gently, carefully, as to let him know its okay, that you’re here.

Finally, the Vanguard leaders leave, but not without Cayde stopping to say something. 

“You know, I think Ghost was spouting that code because of you, Guardian. You’re the bird in love. Or maybe, and just a thought here, you both are.”

You smile and press a hand to Ghost’s shell, telling Cayde thank you as he leaves the room.

Your name is Jayashree and you are in love with your Ghost.

And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> hopefully i was able to write the sign language portions out correctly and respectfully, lemme know if there's anything to fix/improve upon! 
> 
> my guardian got a name this time around, does that mean ghost is gonna get one next time? stay tuned to find out my dudes. 
> 
> next time we'll be dealing with the aftermath of the osiris dlc because boyhowdy do i have some thoughts. 
> 
> the quote ghost is spewing as code is from page 7 of the Ramayana.
> 
> anyway, welcome to my personal destiny hell, if you like what you saw here, leave a kudos, comment, and subscribe for more content like this ;3


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